NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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