if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
