Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
