im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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