see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Randomize
