I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
