New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I need to sanitize my soul.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
