I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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