She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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