it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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