So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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