every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize