Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
