Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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