Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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