dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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