So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
