So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
