You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
