Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
