Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
