dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
