mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
