my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
