Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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