Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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