you would pick up someone in the library
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
