take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
