My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
