I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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