is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
