Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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