dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
