I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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