I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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