some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
