So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I look better un-naked...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
