Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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