you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
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This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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