TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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