I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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