I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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