One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
