bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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