would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
