guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
