did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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