My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
