Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
