check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
