You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
