he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
