I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
