Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
