I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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