i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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