On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
