I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
