I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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