Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
