I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
