my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
