You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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