she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
