And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
