I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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