Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My pussy is not your playground.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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