you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize