It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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