is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
