I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This is the high leading the old right now
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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