Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
