On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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