Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
