theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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