You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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