we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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